A letter to autism

A letter to Autism. Yes.  I used that name.  Because I dislike that name.  No sense in toning it down here.  Call you what you are. I don’t like you.  No, more than that.  I don’t see you as “just another quality of me.”  I hate you.  I hate that I’m burdened with knowing you … More A letter to autism

Anger

The other day I felt anger. This is new for me.  I usually don’t feel much, to be honest.  When I do feel, I don’t know what it is (good old alexythemia). But I felt angry.  At a person specifically.  For good reason.  He was raising my hopes, then cutting them down.  More than hopes, … More Anger

Lonely again…

Loneliness . Its a thing today.  It seems it always comes out on Sundays.  Well and the anxiety.  Sundays really are hard days for me.  I get everything done that needs to be done on Saturdays.  And Sundays, I’m alone with nothing to do.  No one to talk to.  It all builds on Saturday and … More Lonely again…

Up and down…

Couple days ago I was told I wasn’t going to finish by December.  That set off a whole massive anxiety fueled spiral down.  I’ve been working for four years, only to be told I wasn’t going to finish by the due date.  And was blamed for it, when in reality I wait for the supervisor … More Up and down…

I disappeared.

So I disappeared.  I hardcore disappeared. Its been a bit rough round these parts. I decided I’m moving back to the US. I mean its about time, my degree is almost done.  I’ve been away for 4 years.  But the decision wasn’t based on “almost done.”  It was based on “I’m so unhappy here that … More I disappeared.

Impostor Syndrome

I read a statistic that most if not all PhD students deal with Impostor Syndrome.  That we think that we, as an individual, is just pretending.  Pretending to be smart, pretending to be an adult, pretending to be successful.  This article was focused on PhD’s but I think it can apply to any self knowledgeable … More Impostor Syndrome